
With most starting lineups finalized and betting odds set, it’s time for me to give my picks for every NFL games being played over the next two days. There are plenty of “experts” you can get picks like these from, but unlike them, I’ll admit that I know very little about what I’m talking about. We haven’t seen any of these teams play real football yet, so I could turn out to be way off the mark about some or all of them (except the Eagles, who I know are winning tomorrow). I’ll make my picks, anyway, because if I do turn out to be right, it’ll be a lot of fun to brag about it.
Panthers @ Falcons: Falcons -3.5
The Falcons are a bad team, but the Panthers should be even worse despite having my second-favorite Bryce in sports. I’m going with the birds getting one over on the cats in this game.
Texans @ Ravens: Ravens -9.5
I love me some Lamar Jackson, but I hate spreads this big. Almost every time a blowout is expected, it doesn’t happen, and while I’m not sure how to feel about a rookie QB on the road, I have to pick the Texans to beat the spread here out of principle.
Bengals @ Browns: Bengals -2
Though I’m not too worried about Joe Burrow’s calf, I am worried about Cincinati’s chances of winning their opener on the road, since they’ve generally had slow starts and the Browns have had their number lately. I’m picking the underdog to cover in this one, too.
Jaguars @ Colts: Jaguars -4.5
I have the Jags in this one. The Colts have a no-name at quarterback and star running back Jonathan Taylor will be out. The Colts are a mess, and I believe Jacksonville will take advantage of that with a win by a touchdown or more.
Buccaneers @ Vikings: Vikings -5.5
I don’t like either of these teams, but even when the Vikings are good, they rarely get big wins, so I’m leaning Tampa Bay in this one.
Titans @ Saints: Saints -3
The Titans are a better team. I like Derrick Henry more than Derek Carr. I’m going with Tennessee here.
49ers @ Steelers: 49ers -2.5
I’m not just gonna sit here and pick a bunch of road teams, and I don’t believe in the Niners this season, so I’ll pick the Steelers here.
Cardinals @ Commanders: Commanders -7
I hate giving a touchdown to the team formerly known as the Redskins, but the Cardinals might have the worst roster in the NFL, and Washington’s fanbase will be hyped up for their first game without Dan Snyder as the owner. This one may get ugly.
Packers @ Bears: Bears -1.5
Another matchup between two mediocre-at-best teams. I’ll go with the Packers because they still have plenty of talent even without Aaron Rodgers, and while the Bears won’t be 3-14 bad again, they’ll still be bad. I have the Packers getting an easy road win in this one.
Raiders @ Broncos: Broncos -3.5
I care about neither of these teams. The Broncos will probably cover since they have the better QB and coach and they’ll be at home. I have to see how the Raiders play with Jimmy G their first couple games before I pick them to upset anyone.
Dolphins @ Chargers: Chargers -3
Justin Herbert will go off against that weak Miami defense. It may be a close game, but I have no problem spotting the Chargers a field goal in this one.
Eagles @ Patriots: Eagles -4
Eagles. Duh.
Rams @ Seahawks: Seahawks -4.5
The Rams offense will be ugly without Kupp, and not even a superstar performance by Aaron Donald can keep them within 5 points of a more balanced Hawks team by the end of this.
Cowboys @ Giants: Cowboys -3.5
I hate the Giants, but they aren’t even in the same stratosphere of hate as the hate I have for the Cowboys, so I’ve got the Giants beating the spread.
Bills @ Jets: Bills -2.5
The regular season Bills are a hard team to bet against. I think the Jets will be solid this year under Rodgers, but they’re not getting a win in Game 1, and the Bills may humble them as the Patriots often did to division upstarts during Brady and Belichick’s reign of terror.
That’s it’s for my 15 picks. Whether I post again or not Tuesday will depend on how my picks do. Fingers crossed I don’t start the season in a hole, but as more games get played, I’m sure I’ll feel a lot more confident doing this and will be able to drag myself out of any hole I find myself in. Now that I’m done analyzing the game, it’s time for me to enjoy it. We’re less than a day away from Eagles football being back! How exciting!